Okay... time for a few confessions. I cried most of the day on Wednesday. I never shed a tear on Adoption Day... I was overjoyed! It was such a wonderful ending to a very long journey. But on Wednesday when we left the hogar, I cried.
I cried for the two years that Sara had spent there - knowing that it was such a limited and isolated experience... but knowing that to a very large extent, we were leaving her HOME. I cried more for the children we were leaving behind. I cried for all the children we have grown to love - as we wait along with their families for the news that they are coming home. I cannot tell you how much it hurt to say goodbye to those children... because I have held them, loved on them, sang to them, delivered kisses from home in the form of Ziploc baggies full of goodies... and I know that this favor was done for us time after time after time. (after time... after time... you get the idea.) We have truly fallen in love with those children - and saying goodbye this time was painfully hard. This is difficult to admit, as I have prided myself in being strong and not shedding a tear until I was in the vehicle and safely out of sight of the hogar. This time, I cried.
I cried more for the ones that still have no forever family, for whatever reason. Some have not been referred, some have been caught in the red-tape fiascos...and others have been turned down for whatever the reason my be. For those children that are not coming home any time soon... I cried the hardest.
I don't understand and cannot wrap my mind around the logic of the decisions that the government has made concerning adoptions. I cannot understand how they think that this new system will be better. But regardless of that - my heart is still drawn to this place. How could it not be? It is the country of my children... it is the place where they were born.
As we drove around the city - more than once I teared up and began to cry over how God orchestrated the last 9 years of our lives. How our family has grown since 2004 from a couple - to a family of 6. That plan was already in play long before the girls came home. I remember sitting in their bedroom writing in my journal... "NEVER EVER EVER AGAIN!!" Ha! God must love a good laugh...
So here we are, on the morning of our last day in Guatemala. I am again filled with such emotion. We are taking Sara from the only home she has ever known. And it is not like the girls, or even McCaleb, that had a limited awareness to what was happening to them. She knows. She is fully aware and completely cognizant of what is about to happen. She is excited, nervous and terrified... all at the same time. Who wouldn't be?
In addition to that, we are saying goodbye to two more of her amigos this morning, Lucas and Cooper. She has been the big-kid-on-the-block. She has taken on the role of caregiver and nurturer... and she has done it so well. She loves those two little boys... and has had a blast with them the past few days.
As with so many of the children - I have come to know and love them just as much. Lucas was the first little fellow at the hogar that held my hand. I sang "Happy Birthday" to him last August on the day we first met Sara. He is a sweet, sweet boy - and I adore him. Cooper is a hoot! He is fun, loveable and just about the cutest thing on earth!
So saying goodbye is HARD.
We also have spent the week with their mother, Jane and older brother Tanner. It was really hard to say goodbye to them as well. Jane has been such a blessing to me. It is amazing the bonds that you form through the journey of adoption - but you truly do feel each other's pain, rejoice in each other's joys... and wallow in pity as needed with each other. ;) It's all a part of the process.
Saying goodbye to Jane was sad...more for me as Sara's Mom... knowing that Jane had been such a big part of her life the past two years. However, we will see them again! And hopefully it won't be too long!!! They are thinking of making a road trip to Kentucky in May!!!
So the pictures from today will be sad and happy - all at the same time. It is really hard to say goodbye. But I think about the adventure of what is coming... and I am filled with hope, anticipation and wonder! So... here is our last morning in Guatemala... right up to the shuttle taking us to the airport and taking Sara not only away from the only life she has ever known... but on to a new life full of wonder, amazement, adventure (adjustments) and a huge DOSE OF FAMILY! :)
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